Where did you get a picture of my penis
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
