yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
