My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
it's like iHOP with fire
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
