I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
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Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
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True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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