Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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