dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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