were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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