I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
