Kiss
Puke
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
