My nipple is on Facebook.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
