Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
