We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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