you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
