her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
