Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
