I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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