I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
