Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
