the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There r osticjed everywhere
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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