we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
