We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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