We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
