i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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