Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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