if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
