her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
