thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
