that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
