I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
