I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
