I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She is in my trunk
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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