she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
