I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
