Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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