i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
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So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
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How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?