Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.