She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings