I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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