we have pet lesbian snakes
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
