I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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