no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
