So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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