my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
