Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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