I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
