I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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