it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Boobs are out for the taking
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
