we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
