You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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