I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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