Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
