See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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