so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
