and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think my fart just growled at me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
worst night to have a conscience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...