I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize