You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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