Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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