I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
