In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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