Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Someone signed my nipple.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
