i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
FUCK WHALES
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
