So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
