so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
