Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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