can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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