She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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